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Genso Suikoden Idol III by ~AgentYomiko:iconAgentYomiko:

Categories Fan Art > Fan Fiction


Heather: I’m Heather!

Nikkie: I’m Nikkie!

Kyle: I’m SEX-AY!

Michelle: O.O Yes, yes you are!

Heather: Well, hell-oo, handsome, where have you been all of my parody?

Gavaya: WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Nikkie: I’M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT!! JASON, HELP!

Jason: (trounces Gavaya) And I’m Jason, the guy making the cuts of the Suikoden characters not chosen to fight in the final battle. Sure, the game’s not as good as Chrono Trigger, but then again, what is?

Nikkie: At least it’s got better sequels.

Jason: Let us not speak of THAT.

Heather: Welcome back for the final round of Genso Suikoden Idol, the parody that will decide the final party Nikkie will use for the conclusive battle of Suikoden V. Kind of redundant, as she finished the game two weeks ago, but I get to make fun of people, so I’m not complaining!

Jason: And I get to hurt people!

Kyle: And I’m surrounded by beautiful women!

Gavaya: …hate you… so much…

Michelle: Today we make our final cuts!

Jason: Glee!

Michelle: Two more people will be sent back to Lake Castle, leaving our five remaining contestants in the Prince’s party! Decisions in this round will be based on performance in gameplay right up to the final battle!

Heather: First up, as always, is Lyon!

Lyon: Yes?

Heather: Lyon, you tiny terror you! What a comeback you made! Going from being incapacitated for almost half the remaining game to becoming the next bearer of the Twilight Rune! We can’t remove you even if we wanted to, and with your combo spells with Princie-poo, who the hell would want to do that? Congrats!

Lyon: Thank you… but, I’m not that small.

Heather: Yea and Gavaya isn’t that desperate.

Nikkie: GEORG PRIME, GET OVER HERE!

Georg: Uh oh…

Nikkie and Michelle: (GLARE)

Nikkie Georg… what do you think you’re doing?

Georg: I was-

Nikkie: You flaked on us AGAIN! We finally get you for regular use in the party and what do you do? You ditch us! And for what? Some nameless, faceless THING that came thudding along the moment before the final battle! What the hell, man?!

Georg: I-

Michelle: Georg, you’re only THE of the top ranking S-range character and you FINALLY become readily available and then you punk out on us at the very last moment!

Georg: But-

Nikkie: You abandoned us when we needed you most! And after we were so understanding, what with you coming and going as you pleased!

Michelle: And after everything we DID for you! Level 16 weapon, great armor! How could you?!

Jason: (to Heather) Think he’s getting cut?

Heather: I think he’s getting DUMPED!

Kyle: Better him than me.

Nikkie and Michelle: Jason!

Jason: Ahh, here we go! HOO-YA! (tries to jump Georg)

Georg: (grab’s Jason’s arm and tosses him to the ground) Now look-

Jason: (Glows gold and explodes, KO-ing Georg)

Jason: (Smoldering) Punk.

Lyon: Georg!

Prince: O.O

Nikkie: Well, I’m sated, how about you?

Michelle: I guess I feel a bit better. OK, Sagiri, your turn!

Sagiri: (Sweatdrop)

Shigure: The hell you’re-

Heather: Relax, Shaggy! Your girlfriend is fine, we’d have to be moronic to cut her. She’s only the most effective L-range fighter in the entire game.

Sagiri: (sigh of relief)

Michelle: Richard!

Richard: Oh dear.

Michelle: (walks over and hugs) ^_^

Richard: ?

Michelle: Richard… your complete and utter destruction of Childerich in Stormfist has forever endeared you to me. Offing that horrible murderer with the ease and style you exhibited… it was overwhelming! You make the cut!

Richard: …OK!

Wilhelm: Well I’ll be damned.

Mueller: Hmph.

Richard: Mueller? Did I made you happy?

Mueller: …

Michelle: Don’t kick the puppy, big nose.

Mueller: …I suppose.

Richard: Yay!!

Mueller: Stop doing that!

Heather: Awww, how cute!

Mueller: Shut up, woman.

Heather: Bite me, big nose.

Nikkie: OK, next is Lorelai!

Lorelai: You know, I don’t want to get chosen for the final battle. But then, I don’t want that spiky-haired freak taking a swing at me either…

Jason: (“That spiky-haired freak”; grins)

Nikkie: Sorry, Lorelai, but much like my cutie Zweig, you’re also being cut. Your attack is decent and your lightning rune is great, but there are people here better at both.

Lorelai: …oh blast.

Jason: Ah, I’m uncomfortable with the concept of beating up a girl!

Nikkie: Eh, just pick her up and toss her then. Gently.

Jason: OK! (Picks up Lorelai, flings her over the horizon)

Michelle: O.o

Jason: Uhm… oops. I’d better go get that…

Heather: Yea, you have fun with that. Hey, Zerase!

Zerase: This has better be important.

Heather: You’re in, due to your massively destructive spells and stylish gothic fashion sense. How does that make you feel?

Zerase: If I can remove the Sun Rune from the hands of those unworthy, then I will aid the Prince in any way I can.

Egbert: YES AND THOSE FILTHY DEVIL GODWINS ARE THE MOST UNWORTHY OF ALL!

Heather: OMGWTF?

Michelle: ?! Who invited Egbert?

Egbert: GODWINS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY PLAGUE HUMANITY HAS EVER HAD TO SUFFER!! DROUGHT, GLOBAL WARMING, PRICE GOUGING AT THE PUMPS, ENDINGS TO STEPHEN KING NOVELS!! THOSE FILTHY GODLESS DEMONS! GRAWAGHWATHATHAHHHHHH!!!!

Heather: Hol-y shit.

Michelle: Wow. (applauds)

Nikkie: (falls over laughing)

Heather: (to Kyle) Hey, big boy, why don’t you get Ranty McAngrypants out of here before he starts foaming at the mouth?

Kyle: Yes, ma’am! C’mon, Eggy, time for your medication!

Egbert: Raaaarrrrrwaaaagh!!!

Heather: Wow. And you guys INVITED him to join your army?

Nikkie: Personally, I like him like that! Anyways, the last person to make it in the party is Eresh.

Eresh: (inhales to speak)

Nikkie: Who doesn’t need to talk.

Eresh: (pouts)

Nikkie: And there you have it! The final party I used to conquer Suikoden V! In formation:
Richard    Prince    Lyon
Sagiri       Zerase    Eresh

Heather: And how was the final battle?

Nikkie: Cake!

Heather: Sweet!

Michelle: Now it’s my turn!

Nikkie: Go, Hime! You can do it!

Michelle: I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH!

Heather: We done?

Nikkie: Yup, that wraps it up! Thanks to everyone who participated or read this complete waste of time. I had a lot of fun writing! Now I’m playing Atelier Iris, where I can’t obsess over a multitude of characters but WILL obsess over completing every single item synthesis in the game, including the freaking Chronolex which will let shopkeeper Veola see her deceased brother. Will I manage? Stay tuned!

Heather: Do you EVER go outside?
©2008-2009 ~AgentYomiko
:iconagentyomiko:

Author's Comments

And here is part 3 of the parody, which not even poor Michelle got to read in the past. Mihime, I do this all for you! I suppose at this point, I ought to mention that I really don't need any negative feedback on this piece. It was a silly idea that I couldn't resist completing. When I post some legitimate fan fiction, then you can nay-say me, for all the good it will do you.

And my final notes:
1) Jason is the biggest Chrono Trigger fan boy you will ever meet. EVER. I PROMISE. So much so that it would have taken a freaking miracle for the sequel Chrono Cross to measure up. A miracle did NOT occur. Yet. Hopefully in the future, maybe we'll get our miracle. Until then, it's because of Jason I love Chrono Trigger as much as I do. Growing up, I was a Sega camper.
2) Oh, how mad were we when Georg ditched the party at the last minute? VERY MAD.
3) Yes, Jason is a super saiyan.
4) People who played the game: did you bring Richard with you to Stormfist when you returned near the end of the game? Having Richard face off against that perverse freak was the icing of the cake that was OFFING Childerich to begin with. Oooooh, how we hated Childerich?
5) Kyle's inclusion in this segment was based solely on the fact that he was Michelle's bishounen.
6) Stephen King is a decent author, but in my opinion, he botches the ending of nearly everything he pens. *sigh* That was NOT the ending I had been hoping for in the Dark Tower series, Stephen.

And that's it! Hopefully the next piece I post will have a little more substance. But at least I finally got something up on here! ^_^

Suikoden and all characters are copyright to Capcom, who I hope will grace us with another wonderful installment of the series soon!

Heather, Jason, and Michelle are copyright to themselves. Thanks again for letting me use you in my silly parody!

Comments


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:iconfelara:
~Felara Jan 22, 2008, 12:04:35 AM
Oh good gods, I needed that. XD Thank you for including my lovely Kyle, it made me so happy! What can I say, I've always had a weakness for the pretty magic swordsmen in the series. *coughFLIKcough* And Kyle does share Viktor's Star, so it was pretty much a given that I was going to adore him. ^^

Honestly, the opening to this was hysterical. I so did not expect Gavaya to show up, haha. That poor sad little man. I cannot express my adoration for the entire part with Georg. It was perfect. That'll show him not to flake out for the final battle! Who the hell does he think he is, ditching us like that?! Ooo, it still makes me so mad! I LOVED YOU, GEORG, YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME HANGING?! RRRGRH! *deep breaths*

Egbert is crazy ranting love, as always. So nice to see him show up and cause havoc. :D Richard is also darling and yes, that's pretty much exactly what would have happened if you and I were talking to the boy. "Don't kick the puppy, big nose." XD

I loved how Georg dropped Jason with no effort at first, then *boom* with the super saiyan powers, and poor Georg is nothing but a pile of ash. XD Poor dear. And him tossing Lorelai, hehe.

You're the best. <3 This inspires me to work on my own crazy fics. That Xenosaga crack beach story isn't going to write itself, I suppose...
:iconagentyomiko:
~AgentYomiko Jan 22, 2008, 10:24:40 AM
I knew you'd enjoy Kyle's presense, so I had to write him in ^_^ And this was way back on my first play through of the game, before I actually USED him!

I don't think I'll ever get over Georg's impromptu departure. I mean, it wasn't even EXPLAINED what the heck was slowly trodding forward towards the final battle. If it wasn't important enough to be exposited on, it could have been left to the 2nd stringers.

Richard is a puppy. A great big lovable DESTRUCTIVE KILLING OMG puppy, in need of a hug. Egbert... yea, I just like him. Was there ever a character portrait with him frothing at the mouth? 'Cause if not, there should have been.

Yes, finish the Xenosaga crack beach story!!! I want to read!!
:iconfelara:
~Felara Jan 26, 2008, 6:27:17 PM
Kyle rocks, man. He isn't just a pretty face! There's a reason why he never left my party!

I KNOW. Oh my god I was SO MAD. How can he just up and abandon you DURING THE FINAL BATTLE?! I was so shocked and angry, I thought for sure he'd at least be around for the final battle, but noooo. Damn you, Georg! Damn you and your awesomeness! I can't stay mad at him for long, he's just too wonderful a character. *is weak*

That is the best way to describe Richard, right there. ^^ And Egbert was a neverending source of amusement for me. I love that guy.

Yes ma'am! :D
:iconsircrocodileslapdog:
~SirCrocodilesLapdog Jun 1, 2008, 1:22:21 PM
Can i just ask how was Childerich perverse?

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:iconagentyomiko:
~AgentYomiko Jun 2, 2008, 7:15:42 AM
Perverse, as defined by Funk & Wagnall's desktop dictionary volume 2:
1) Willfully deviating from acceptable or conventional behavior, 2) Refractory, capricious, 3) Petulant, cranky and 4 (the one that best applies), Morally wrong or erring, wicked.

--
"Who cares what kind of cake? It's free cake and all you have to do is commit a little murder. That sounds like a good deal to me." ~Gantz, Gantz the Abridged Series
:iconsircrocodileslapdog:
Mood: Pleased ~SirCrocodilesLapdog Jun 10, 2008, 1:46:07 PM
Ok thanks for explaining that for me.

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~AgentYomiko Jun 10, 2008, 2:47:31 PM
No problem! I didn't realize until you mentioned something that someone could take it for the "hentai, sexual" connotation.

--
"Who cares what kind of cake? It's free cake and all you have to do is commit a little murder. That sounds like a good deal to me." ~Gantz, Gantz the Abridged Series
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